In A Paused Moment
by Lucy Kent
Summary: Moments before Albus Dumbledore dies, he recalls the love he had for Gellert Grindlewald. Contains Albus' death. Sorta Canon.


**A submission for the 13th Round of the Quddditch Fanfiction Competition. Beater 2.**

**I tried to make this a canon as possible... though with my own spin.**

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><p>The green light that illuminated the room around me seemed pause everything. And I took the pause to look at the three important men here. First was poor Harry hidden under the cloak. I could see the magic around his cloak, knew where he stood, and could imagine his expression. It was exceptionally cruel of me to make him watch. But his aptitude to recover rivals every other person I had med. But I knew that if he had not been frozen, he would have stopped Severus. My dear dear Severus. He took on so much for me. I could see a small taint of hatred in his eyes. I couldn't blame him. I knew that he had to hate me to kill me. To stop... My eyes now turned to the blonde boy. Draco Malfoy. I was so glad that I was able to stop him from killing me. Your first kill never left you. And I suppose it was what people call "life flashing before your eyes." But I only saw one person. Gellert.<p>

The first day I had met him, it was a breezy summer day. Maybe it was a premonition, where we met, the cemetery. I remember taking my daily walk through the graveyard when I'd seen him standing there. Perhaps it was just my teenage hormones, but the sun around him made me think of angels. His blonde hair seemed to glisten and shine, his dark robes making his skin almost transparent. I was motionless, but he looked up. And I remember being trapped by his blue eyes. I had never believed in love at first sight. In fact, I had very much doubted that I had had the capability to love until I had seen him. So I can't regret having met him.

I don't remember our conversation from there. Maybe it was the years that had passed, I think it's more because my mind was trying to understand why this gorgeous man was talking to me. But I do remember when the conversation turned to the Deathly Hallows. I think I mentioned it first, but I know that the moment I realized he believed in them, I decided I wasn't going to let him go. He must have decided the same because we spent the entire summer together. I could feel my heart wrapping itself around Gellert, even though it was very obvious that he wasn't in love with me. I knew he was very open with his affections, willing to take anyone he liked to bed, but I refrained. The sight of those who had spent a night with him hurt enough already. If I slept with him, and he continued to sleep with others, I would shatter.

Three years I held that conviction. Three blissful years where our plans were laid out and the clues followed. Then my birthday came. For as drunk as I was, this memory always seems so clear. I can see us now, we were sitting in the flat we shared. Each in our own lounge chair facing the fire. Half a bottle of firewhiskey sat on the table between us. A bottle my brother had bought earlier that day.

Gellert turned to me. "Albus, I think we should go to Ireland next and follow the trail of the Elder Wand for now."

"Gellert, we talked about this. Ireland is going to be a dead-end! Besides. I don't want to argue with you about this on my birthday. Bring it up tomorrow. Let's talk about something else?"

"Like what?'

"Like... God Gellert I don't know. Pour me another drink." I sloshed my half filled glass in his direction, and watched as it spilled on his shirt. I had seen others do far less and watched him blow his top at them. But I was me. I was his friend. He was also drunk so he only chuckled before ditching his shirt before sitting there bare-chested. It took all of my willpower to turn my eyes from him back to the fire. I finished my glass.

"Albus..." The whispered word broke my willpower and my eyes turned back to him. His face had a gentle expression I had never seen before. Before I knew what I was doing my hand had reached across to touch his cheek. I stopped it just in time and grabbed the bottle of firewhiskey instead. I poured myself more alcohol. I set the glass down again before. "Albus..." His voice again pulled my eyes to him, and I found him standing with his hand stretched out. An invitation. I wanted to pretend I didn't know what taking that hand would mean. But I did know. And I was just drunk enough, and had wanted it long enough, that I reached out.

The next morning I woke up before he had. Blissfully, I turned my head to look at Gellert. He was pressed up against my back, his fingers resting on my hip bone. But only a moment passed before fear filled me. I couldn't lose him. I could NOT lose Gellert. I slipped from his arms, and cast a silent sleep charm on him. I dressed him in his normal nighttime attire, fixed his sheet and pillows, cleared the lingering scent of sex from the air, than turned my eyes to the sleeping man before me. I knew that if I did this, and he ever found out, he would never forgive me. But I knew the night could ruin our friendship. So I pointed my wand to him. And as I stared at his sleeping face, I knew I couldn't do it. So I merely took the memory of the night from him. The silver thread fell into the bottle I had grabbed from my robes. I knew that he would have a very vague memory of the night. He would think it only a dream.

In my room, I pulled the memory from my mind. Later I would use magic I had created to bind the two memories to the wire of my glasses. They could never been seen again, but I would always remember. When I ran into Gellert the next morning, he gave me an odd look. But I pretended not to see it, and soon the look was replaced by frustration as he once again tried to convince me that going to Ireland was a good idea.

A few years passed without incident, and although Gellert and I were nearly constantly arguing, I still loved him. One night had gotten a bit physical with me. I was ashamed to know that my body thought it wa a turn on. And as I sat with my back against the wall, I heard a door slam. So he had left. I chuckled darkly. But then a sob caught in my throat, and I distracted myself by palming myself.

But then I heard a breath catch, and I found him standing in the doorway. I froze. He slowly licked his lips. Than he walked toward me, and I felt like I was being hunted. As he walked he talked to me. "I came to apologize. I shouldn't have pushed you. But... it seems you liked it more than I would have possibly guessed. He now stood in front of me. He stretched out his hand. Deja vu swept over me, and I blinked blankly up at him. I had already done this before. Falling into the temptation a second time... there was no alcohol to blame this time. No alcohol to dull his memory. But I couldn't resist taking his hand.

When I woke up, I found him already awake. There was no way to escape. He was caressing my arm and I heard him muttering to himself. "This feels so familiar." I was immediately worried he would remember everything. So I pretended to wake up. But keeping my eyes closed I turned to his chest. "Morning."

"Morning." I could tell nothing from his voice.

My mouth opened before I could figure out what it wanted to say. "Pixies and fiddlesticks."

Gellert froze. "What?'

I didn't have a clue, so I just repeated. "Pixie and fiddlesticks."

"Albus, doesn't make any sense."

I turned to peer at him. "It's nonsense."

"Indeed. Why are you spouting nonsense at this hour of the day?"

"To wake up."

"I don't follow."

"Nonsense wakes your brain cells up!"

He looked so confused I couldn't help leaning up and kissing him. He kissed back.

The next day Ariana died. She was killed. Either by me or Gellert. But either way didn't matter. Gellert was gone. We had shared a bed the night before and I knew that it would never happen again. He was lost to me.

I soon tied all of my feelings into a little box that I hid into the corner of my mind. I hunted him down. To those who watched our finest duel, I looked calm and composed. But my heart was shattering. When I finally had him wandless, I knew I could never kill him. So acting with my instinct, I had cast a spell of bright light. Everyone watching groaned and looked away. In that moment I kissed him one last time. And as I pulled away he smiled softly before saying, "Perhaps I should have loved you more."

I had known where he was. I had always known I could have seen him if I tried. But his last words kept me away. I didn't know what I would do, if he had ever fallen in love with me. And as the years went by, I regretted it.

I felt regret once again. It seemed fitting to die by the hand of someone who felt equal regret. Maybe that had always been what had drawn him to Severus. Maybe that was why he had taken the man under his wing and forgiven him for everything. Or maybe it was because I had wanted to forgive Gellert. Ah well, no time like the present. I used a bit of magic to leave a message on a wall in a tower. Than the green light overtook me.

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><p><strong>Prompts Used:<strong>

**Albus/Grindlewald**

**1 (word) Aptitude**

**5 (Quote) "I like Nonsense, it wakes up the Brain Cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient for living." Dr. Suess**

**10 (Style) First Person Narrative**

**11 (word) Blissfully**


End file.
